I’m voting for the ‘befuddled’ guy who delivered an infrastructure bill, lowered prescription drug prices, and expanded healthcare access, instead of the guy who promised things he never delivered.
I’m voting for the ‘mentally unstable’ guy who understands the threat of climate change, instead of the guy who rants about faucets that only drip and toilets that don’t flush.
I’m voting for the ‘cognitively impaired’ guy who champions women’s rights, instead of the guy who actually brags about taking those rights away.
I’m voting for the ‘slow-talking’ guy who speaks eloquently and truthfully about the issues, instead of the guy who lies about everything and rambles incoherently in doing so.
I’m voting for the allegedly ‘corrupt’ guy, instead of the convicted felon, fraudster, tax cheat, and rapist.
I’m voting for the ‘dimwitted’ guy who has overseen a strengthening economy, lower unemployment, millions of new jobs, and higher wages, instead of the guy who is openly hoping for the economy to crash because he thinks it will help him politically.
I’m voting for the ‘demented’ guy who believes in democracy, the law, and the Constitution, instead of the guy who abhors the very principles the nation was founded upon.
The choice is clear between a steady hand guiding the ship of state, and a raving lunatic who thinks ranting about electric boats and being eaten by sharks is a sure vote-getter.